Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog

I just want a bag and for once not a bag of smack or a rock of crack but instead I want a bag of weed so I can sit back and relax and even get some work done. Ever since I came off the heroin and stuck to my methadone script I have found that weed not only does wonders for helping me actually get some sleep and as long as I don’t smoke too much all at once I feel I can concentrate on work and even end up tidying my room till its spotless.

I have always smoked weed just as most people smoking joints before, during and after school became a ritual and I have always been diagnosed as having ADHD ever since I was 4 and effects me in many different ways and although I do not get the hyper non stop talking side of ADHD any more I do still have various effects such as concentration, anger issues, sensitive emotions and ever since I was put on Ritalin my sleep patterns have never quite been the same in fact as of late my sleep is all over the place and then just as it seems to be back to normal its all goes upside down again.

I meet doctors and so called probation drug specialists all of which tell me that smoking weed instead of doing heroin is the wrong thing to do, I would like to know how they figured that out or more likely they read in a text book not to swap one addiction for another. The fact of the matter is when you have a problem with a drug like heroin smoking a bit of weed is not only harm reduction but is also a much better alternative I never once woke up at 6am cuddling myself in pain, throwing up, sweating, watery eyes/nose with an intense craving for weed but I did for heroin in fact every day no every 3 hours or so after my last hit and the withdrawals would come on. For those who have been around heroin/opiate addicts you will notice that from the minute they wake getting that first hit is most important, then its off to work or off out hustling to get the next £10/£20/£30+ to keep withdrawals at bay. The only time an opiate addict feels safe by safe I mean I used to withdrawals as a threat to avoid so if I had just banged up and had a bag in my pocket I know I have 6 hours of not being ill. The mind of a heroin addict is not that complicated but no one but those who have been there truly know what it is all about.

Well today I woke up at 6.30am with a court officer at my door because my friend used to use this address as a care of address and the fact that I started sending all the letters back as not known at this address does that mean next time I have court fines and I don’t pay I can just start sending my letters to another address and the courts will go and harass people with nothing to do with the debt at ridiculous times in the morning.

On another note I have been working mainly on my new Twitter Account Creator which has had me well and truly stuck trying to put the finishing touches on the verifying component and just keep hitting problem after problem. My Mum says its all good learning and it is but when I know the sooner I finish this project I’m looking at £1,000 minimum within a month if not a lot more then it becomes a massive incentive to finish. I have found that learning to code my own programs is very interesting and I plan on buying some books to learn more and have already found a semi advanced book which will push me yet still be well worthwhile learning from.

I have also been overrun with my Fiverr orders and going to the family wedding didn’t help putting me a day behind and then the next day having 6 orders all due at around the same time saw me having to pull an all nighter and not only because I need the money but also because I can’t afford to get bad feedback when all of a sudden the orders have been flying in left right and centre.

Anyway’s I thought I would post to let you all know how things are going as I have not been posting as regularly again I am going to try and put a new post at least every few days but at least you know the latest for now.

I am so sorry I have not been posting here as much as usual but I have good reason I have been so busy with appointments working on my websites and various projects as well as family weddings to attend to.

Anyway’s I am back on track now after spending all of yesterday playing catch up with all the various orders that needed to be completed and work that needs to be done. Its still not like I have fully caught up I have a website half made waiting for content another blog about free stuff and competitions which needs updating and major promotion as well as a list as long as my arm. All in all keeping busy is a good thing it helps keep my mind off using and one the tasks at hand.

I have been having more trouble from the idiots around my area basically just giving me shit on buses and whenever they see me yet I have made it so clear that its their problem I don’t see them and start shouting shit I’m 22 not 15 the way they behave is like they have just left secondary school or something.

I finally feel that maybe this time I won’t slip back into that life not even a little bit as I mainly struggled with stopping dabbling with bits of heroin and crack but now I would rather smoke some weed which yes is replacing the drugs I use but in all honesty what’s better smoking weed or banging up smack and crack.

Wow its been nearly ten days since I last wrote a post on here so I felt it only write to give everyone an update well as usual I have been so busy working on my websites and some how I got myself totally addicted to another project making a account creator program for marketing purposes.

It was my birthday yesterday and I turned 22 it seems that the years really are flying by when I was 15 time seems to drag a year seemed like such a long time and now a year feels like nothing. It almost gets to me because I think of all the time I have wasted when I could of been focusing on getting some where good in life it’s not as if I done something good instead of focussing on the future.

I guess everyone wants to change something about their lives, personality everyone has some thing in their life they don’t like and I guess mine would have to be addiction. I can honestly say if I could turn back time but keep all my knowledge I would never go down the drugs path like I did. All drugs have ever done is take my money waste my time and at the end of every night/day I have nothing to show for it all.

Sorry about all that lol just in one of my funny moods which was brought on by all the little idiots round where I live getting all lippy on the bus and the point is I can’t be bothered with all that fighting every stuff I’m 22 not 16/17 I have better things to do then fight for no reason well they probably have some silly immature reason but its all just pointless and makes my life that little bit more stressful.

I had the weirdest thing happen on the way back from getting my methadone this morning, I woke up at 8.50am got dressed had a fag all the usual things I do and headed out to the chemist to go get my next daily dose and my take home for Sunday.

Now on the way back I saw the little old lady which I see every now and then walking up to Westgate town usually with her husband/partner and have always said hi and morning to them as they had to me just the usual pleasantries nothing you would or could ever consider conversation and I certainly don’t know her or anyone she knows so what happened next well and truly left me surprised and shocked.

I saw her from a distance and was expecting the usual morning or hello but today she walked up to me and said have they started reducing your medication now as I don’t know this woman I was sooo shocked that some how she knew I was on some medication and the way she said it I could tell she knew I was on methadone. Now the situation was not intimidating but the tension had started to rise and the conversation was becoming almost awkward. She then started to tell me about her son who was over ten years ago in the same position as me and she had sent him to rehab and he has now been clean for 10 years. She also said about methadone being worse and harder then heroin which is very true so she does know what she’s talking about as people who do not have real life experience of heroin and opiate addiction do not know the truth behind it all and only know what they see around hear from friends, governments and newspapers which in all honesty have made heroin addicts to be bad dirty people who steal and are generally horrible bad people.  Now just as anyone would I asked her how she knew about my so called problem and she said I just knew I think that due to her own experience of her son’s heroin addiction and use of methadone and rehab that when she saw me at 9am every morning walking up to the town and then straight back usually without sticking around or even going into the shops that after a while she clicked I was going to get my daily dose. It is true those who live with addictions like this do learn all the little give away signs. She kept saying I wasn’t being rude and she wasn’t I’m not the type of person to be bothered of course if some one would of come up to me and been judgemental and almost bossy I would of reacted totally differently but this little old woman is sweet and is the perfect example of how people should be all over. This little old lady who probably grew up herself in a totally different world compared to the world we live in today yet she has managed to accept the change, deal with it and even how to relate to those a lot younger then her living in a totally different lifestyle compared to hers. Of course she will have seen if not the very same a very similar view to that of what my Mum has seen .

It’s almost a sign that I’m really not meant to be a heroin addict and that this time maybe I am doing well because I am really done with it all. I gathered together all my old hit kits and wrapped up a few pins some filters and of course some critic and hid it and threw the rest out now to some people this seems mad why do I need pins if I’m not intending to use and in many ways you thoughts are right but I have to plan ahead if for what ever reason such as my script goes missing, I get put on hold, pharmacist cannot get it and I go into withdrawal I have clean works to use as I cannot deal with missing a dose as I am on a high dose of 75ml and even 1 missed dose would be hell. I have no intention of having to use these works but at least if worst comes to worst I have got them hidden.