Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog

There is no other way I can describe life at the moment other then it just seems to be the same routine day in and day out now to most that would seem so boring but after the last 5 years have been nothing but drug abuse, hardly any sleep and living the hetic criminal life. Now that things are dull its almost nice to be able to fade off into the distance and stay away from most people I know. I may go and see a select few people here and there but I am not going to go back to getting on it even if it is in a pub or in the so called acceptable setting.

I love how in the UK if you drink yourself silly with a nice legal taxable substance being alcohol thats a ok and fully accepted in society but if you smoke weed or use any substance be it illegal that is frowned upon and a stigma is attached that drugs are bad, dirty etc now yes I know better then most how dangerous drugs can be from my own experience with heroin addiction. It is only when you look at the health problems caused by lebal drugs such as nicotine and alcohol compared to even the most hardcore drugs and the pattern emerges that in actual fact heroin is technically much less harmful and OK you could argee the addiction grabs so much quicker then alcohol which I can agree with but once you have a serious alcohol addiction you will experience equal or more then likely worse withdrawal effects and in serious cases alcoholics can die from ceasation of drinking. Now yes heroin addicts have died mainly long term users of poor health who stop but the rates show that alcoholics are more likely to die detoxing.

Sorry to ramble but I decided that in my posts I will start to post and write about my many views on drugs and the surrounding issues to drugs. Now lots will disagree with me and lots will be right in there own way and this is where we go wrong because instead of listening to all sides and implementing methods from all parties we would slowly find what works and what doesn’t in reducing the use of drugs and more importantly the harm and damage caused by drugs including criminal activity.

We will never win the war on drugs and in fact our governments not only create a black market for poor quality drugs but the NHS then sees the effects of low quality drugs cut with multiple nasties and also crime goes hand in hand with black market dealers.  Well that’s it for tonight lol

Well I must admit it is getting harder and harder to write for this blog as in general my life is pretty much the same and almost in a daily/weekend routine. I now seem to have mastered getting up no later then 10am every morning (as I have to get my methadone) and I feel this is one of the steps which helped me establish a routine, I also have to say that weight lifting has been a true help to my over the last couple of months as not only do I want to keep back in shape and build my muscles up but it goes a long way to making me feel like I am achieving and working towards a long term goal instead of just living for the moment.

Addiction is as much mental as it is physical and some people like me in many ways have more of an addiction to the preparing of drugs then actually using them. For example the other night I rolled 3 joints in a row and didn’t smoke one of the for hours but if I had only rolled one the chance is I would of smoked it but if I proceeded to roll another I would almost lose that craving. Of course everyone will have different reactions like this but I imagine in lots of way we react the same way.

I feel like I am moving forward I feel like I am winning and in all honesty I never thought I would get back on track so quickly even though I wanted to. As much as I didn’t want to stop using I wanted to free myself of the illness of not using more and this played a big role in my fight for sober living.

If I had to choose one activity or hobby which helped me stay clean the most it would be my websites, internet marketing methods, SEO etc my computer is a big piece of my and always will be. I have all my files organized in neat folders and am very organized and of course being a computer person I also have tweaked all settings to improve performance and have everything running as I like. There is a lot more to computers then lots of people know you really can make them your own.

I know I will beat this addiction in a way I already have I just need to go the last few miles and I will be back to where I was in life well actually I will be well ahead in life due to all the hard work I have been putting in to put things right and I will keep going until I am a true winner!!!

Well although I can pinpoint the main reason why I couldn’t fall asleep last night it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Although many people will say cannabis is not addictive and in ways they are right it is not like heroin or even crack for that matter but when it comes to stopping weed the main side effect well the main side effect I get is insomnia which drives me totally mad. It also doesn’t help that I had a major problem with one of my websites which meant I had to fix it asap or risk losing months of work.

All in all not much has been happening for me just the usual get up, walk to the chemist to get my methadone then back home possibly fall asleep for a while and if not onto the computer to do some work, check my emails all the usual stuff. Lots of people say my life is dull and boring and in lots of ways it is but when you have spent so many years taking E’s, speed, Ketamine, Diazepam, Heroin, Cocaine, Crack and various other substances you get bored of hanging out with people who think getting off their heads is still fun and OK I can accept for some or even many it is fun but from experience I can say it will not always be like that and drugs loose their magic after so long no matter the substance. Even drinking on the weekend is a big no no for me don’t get me wrong I like to have a quality ale with a meal etc but even then the feeling I get is just not enjoyable and in all honesty I would rather smoke a joint at home on my computer watching films, listening to music and stuff like that.

I would be lying if I said I’m not fed up of having to get up each morning at 9am to go get my methadone and of course I usually wake up feeling a little edgy so rain or shine I’ve got to make the trip to the chemist each morning without fail of course I get one day a week off from my walk due to my Sunday takehome. I can only wait another few weeks until my next KCA doctors appointment where I should hopefully get some take home which will be great no longer having to worry about going to get the next dose. All in all I must waste an hour or so each week just getting my methadone which may not sound like much but it does all add up.

More and more lately I think about being totally clean and looking forward to getting my driving license back and knowing that once I kick this I know I will never go back. There is no way I could go through all those mornings ill dreading the thought of the withdrawals which are on there way and those long nights worrying about getting the next morning, lunchtime and evening hits just to get by.

Things have changed so much over the last year things got good went bad got a bit better and up and down things went, of course I had times when I was flush and had lots of cash etc but towards the end just before I got on the methadone things were bad in fact things were at there worst and I can only look forward now.

On a more positive note I have been looking into IT and business courses which I can do at home as I learn best when I teach myself and at present have no real qualifications so even a BTEC course would be a good thing for my CV which does not look too bad considering my past.

Well as you can all see not too much is happening I am moving forward and fighting this addiction and winning I think??? They say so many people struggle to kick heroin yet in all honesty it’s not as hard as it’s made out. Don’t get me wrong without methadone or a substitute and help it is very hard both physically and mentally but with help and a substitute like methadone I believe 99% of people if not all would be able to kick of course with the motivation on the users behalf.

Well it seems that my life really has totally changed I almost can’t believe that this time last year I was totally wrapped up in my world of getting as much heroin as possible where as now I would rather stay in smoke some weed work on my websites, watch films and play games. I don’t see that going back and hanging around on the streets again has anything to offer me so I would prefer to focus on sorting everything out and then moving out once things are all sorted and in place.

I plan on in the future once I have successfully kicked my addiction and rebuilt my life to turn this blog into a book to record my experiences over the last year or 2 forever. Not much is really going on at the moment for me other then staying away from heroin and focussing on rebuilding my life and oh I should also say I am planning on trying to get funding via either the job centres back to work programmes or one of the many other channels I currently has access to as I would like to get some qualifications with computer/IT from home as I don’t need teaching as I could pretty much pass any computer related test with ease.

I can only hope that I can kick this addiction sooner rather then later as being stuck on methadone is not all its cracked up to be many people think you get high off it and in the beginning or going up doses you may kind of get a high but not like when you just use heroin daily and once your used to the dose it does nothing but keep you well and does not have the rush of heroin leaving you to deal with the cravings which could be described as the hardest part of the habit to break.